pawn and gambit

2010 is a coming..
another year to go through.
another phase to manage.
i am still not concrete.
a house i have. for that i am mollified.
still searching for that elusive something.
indescribable, indefinite.

bad i am at chess
though in gambit i try.
to offer pawn or be a pawn..
to invite the hand of fate.

i tire at times
this illness
this self-induced impairment
but i still have to make go the distance
to tough it out
tho the yearning to confide
is restrained by the
fear of the feedback

i am no giant
just a lowly fern
exposed to the elements.
building up roots
finding purchase in the soil
with hopes to grow